I try to explain Zhuangzi's answer, as I see it, in this Aeon article:
https://aeon.co/essays/how-to-be-yourself-when-you-have-no-self-lessons-from-zhuangzi
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Great article! I love the way you bring out the contrast between two kinds of modern expressive individualism: the fixed-self variant and the existentialist variant, with the latter being more appropriate. I've thought about this a bunch in a Buddhist context but am very interested in exploring the Daoist version. Now I want to read your book – and Tan's too.
I'll read anything you write! Merton's most famous prayer begins "My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you..."